Sometimes you just feel like there’s no one to turn to, no one who is willing to listen to all your shit. C’mon man everyone is dealt their hand of cards, just take care of yours and don’t bother others with your problems. Right? FUCKKKKJJ
I saw a beautiful sunset this evening while walking home after dinner and I thought of you. I imagined you looking down on us even after you’ve left us on this earth, smiling like genial smile you always had. It hurts to switch to past tense like you were just something that happened, when in fact you continue to impact us every single day.
Popo I will give my best to fulfill what I promised you years ago, to do well in school and make my parents proud. I will not let you worry about me one bit, rest in peace.
Gonna straight up say it. This culture of indifference (brought about by or intensified by the improvement of technology, we’ll never know) irks the HELL out of me. Seriously. Since when did it become cool to…just be indifferent? Blue ticks, hell yeah man. Cos I’m so “cool”.
Reality check: Indifference (eg. blueticking) is so not cool. In fact, it means that you give so little thought to your friends/family/acquaintances that you DON’T BOTHER GIVING THEM WHAT, 5 SECONDS OF YOUR P R E C I O U S TIME to reply. Wow, cool right? Everybody’s doing it, right?? No. And the best excuse so far, you’re busy and “forgot”, wow wow 100% chance I’d believe you there mate! 😊 yup, 100 freaking percent. I don’t care how “busy” you are, it’s basic respect to reply when someone talks to you/tries to communicate.
The rise of technology and the increase in usage of online chats has made being indifferent even easier. The blue-ticker doesn’t even have to give two hoots after they blue-ticked, simply because they probably wouldn’t have been meeting up anyway. But in the POV of the person who was ignored, the impact is way greater than one can imagine. As a “victim” (lol) of such behaviour, I for one can vouch that it’s not a wonderful feeling at all 🙂
Anyway, the point of this post isn’t to indirect at any particular person, rather to voice my thoughts on this culture of indifference. If we can do this on our chats, what’s to stop this behaviour from perpetuating in our other areas of life? P.s I do not blue tick anyone HAHAA.
Today, the Yuhua constituency closed AN ENTIRE ROAD for our street party (which just ended). So my parents & I decided to go take a look after our dinner at aunt’s house. AND IT TURNED OUT TO BE ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS WE EVER MADE‼️‼️‼️ The atmosphere was totally cool and “hyped” with many food stalls and entertainment like a bouncy castle and games stalls. AND some cute deejay who was hosting & celebs as well!!!!
Anyway they were singing old cantonese songs which I had no idea how to sing but I just followed for one line or two and I got damn hyped up LOL I think the PRC guy (I think) beside us was judging me but eh who cares yeah we’re supposed to have a good time!!! Sadly we didn’t stay for too long bc it was RLY V HOT and I can’t tahan this kind of atmosphere yeah #princess LOL jk. But we left after a while and when we got home I was just sitting at my chair in my room AND THEY DECIDED TO BLAST THOSE PATRIOTIC SONGS. Count on Me Singapore, Home and EVERYTHING omg I just started tearing. Plus I also recorded all the songs on my phone cos I suddenly thought of how I wouldn’t celebrate NATIONAL DAY IN MY OWN COUNTRY for the next four years and I got v emotional. FOR SOMEONE WHO TRIED TO GET HER ENTIRE FAMILY TO BID FOR NDP TICKETS FOR ONE PARTICULAR YEAR (AND SUBSEQUENT YEARS IN LESS AGGRESSIVE MANNERS) YOU KNOW HOW BIG A DEAL THAT IS.
Damnit, I love Singapore, I really do. I’m so thankful for everything Singapore has given me, a good education, bilingualism, a safe and secure home, EVERYTHING. One of the lines in the pro-SG songs struck a chord with me (LOL PUN) “Believe in yourself you’ve got something to share, show us all you really care, join in like we’ve never done before (Stand up, Stand up for Singapore)!” HELL it’s starting to sound like propaganda but these are 100% my true thoughts man I don’t think anyone can understand what I’m feeling now fully.
Also would like to add that the response for the street party was q shitty tbh tho the emcee and celebrity was good but I think sgp adults don’t really like to let loose (at least not in public) and SING even tho it’s freaking SG50 celebrations I was like the only one singing OK kidding but still, seriously the response could have been better! I tried to sing loudly and influence but oh well it’s just one person’s effort yea. Hope it gets better!!! Good effort for organising tho I must admit this was the first Yuhua event I’ve been to in a while and I remember the days where we’d just go downstairs and play w the other kids at the playground or during mooncake festival especially just playing with sparklers and lanterns and using the wax to make the candle stick onto the ground. Sigh, for how long that has been a “has-been” tradition now witj the stupid irrelevant electronic lanterns like UGH try harder PLS ur ruining ERRTHING just get out ur an embarrassment. Ok sorry this is turning into a nostalgic rant and still kind of sad so bye.
Oh my FREAKING GAD I forgot to add one more important part. Guess what people, after all the patriotic songs they put about 5 minutes of FIREWORKS right outside my freaking window!!!’nn it was literally just OUTSIDE THERE if I had infinitely long arms I could have reached out and gotten torched by the residual sparks (which I think I did) I WANTED TO CRY WHEN I SAW IT ACTUALLY I WANTED TO FILM IT (instinct) AND I DID FOR LIKE 1 min plus?? But it was too beautiful so I switched to pic then I gave up and just enjoyed it in silence which was rly nice. It was so so beautiful I could’t describe it possibly. I truly felt like it was SG’s gift to me (LOL TAXPAYER’S MONEY (hashtag econs)) tho it was for sg50 and i’m obv not sg but still yknow IT FELT LIKE IT WAS MY FAREWELL GIFT i couldn’t stop the tears from blurring my eyeballs I rly couldn’t I’m such a noob. THX SINGAPORE HAPPY EARLY 50TH BIRTHDAY AND THANK YOU MR LEE KY ALSO.
Ok now goodbye for real
Old friends visited today & I’m truly glad I stepped out of my comfort zone in the beginning. It wasn’t as bad as I thought!!! Gosh this just proves how much our thoughts can totally exacerbate a situation, even just through what we’re thinking. Also, I’m dead tired today idk why. I need $$ to drop from the sky by tomorrow and….hahahaha it’s not even funny anymore :”(
I kind of lost count but I think today is Day #5 without air con. AND IT NEEDS TO RAIN. I feel like the clouds were just taunting me up in the sky! Hella annoying seeing them getting darker and larger and darker and larger then, nothing. Like WTF U SELFISH SHITS NEED TO RELEASE SOME MOISTURE ONTO THIS DRY & CRACKED EARTH ALREADY. C’MON!!!!! Ok enough about the weather (lol am becoming a Brit alrd)
Anyway today as I was on my way out I bumped into Mdm Siti from Sunnykids (this student care centre I was in when I was attending primary school) She asked me how I was, what I was doing and I told her I was waiting for uni. Without even hesitating or probing further she said, “You all are doing so well!” and she had this sense of pride as she exclaimed that. At that moment I felt q guilty that I wasn’t even gg into a local U HAHHA oh well. We talked a little about our batch (???) and I was pretty touched she even remembered us after all these years, trust me, it’s been a long time. Then triggered memories of my past “Teacher’s Pet” times. (IT HAPPENED) Those were the days man. I remember being extremely good and polite bc back in the day the centre used to have this Model Student of the month or smth award and I knew they’d make a big deal out of it so I made it my goal for one of the months. It was a big thing and I’d get my name on the board somewhere in the centre and then it was like woaahh pretty cool huh. Anyway, one way or another, I got it. Also became Teacher’s Pet in the process and it felt good HAHAHA. I think my English was one of the best there so when we had this English test or something, I quickly answered and was let out of class for lunch in a flash. The pride was overwhelming in little me 😂😂 Kinda want those times back.
I remember little me being way more outspoken and curious (in a questioning way, I’m still curious now) and I wonder what’s changed sometimes.
Oh, back to the topic, Mdm Siti asked about my batch and I was forced (not in a bad way) to list my friends I had while I was at the centre. Melody, Khoi Yian, Yi Ping, Zhi Ning and some boys. We even had a photo taken before. Then I wonder how exactly we drifted apart, it’s all kind of sad. During times like these I wish we’d had technology like Whatsapp to keep us closer.
Overall I’m glad I met Mdm Siti and rekindled all these memories I’d otherwise have just left locked in a box at the back of my mind for the rest of my life.
When you finally get in touch with an old, almost-ex-friend, nothing hurts more than when your usual casual greeting morphs into a distant message, so afraid that you’d be interrupting their new life, even if it was just to say hello again