I am sorry that the days where I could confide in you regardless are long gone
HI FOLKS IM BACK!!!! (Sorry for the long lull lol) (so many Ls)
Anyway I’m back from a brunch w my soon-to-be Lancaster schoolmates/seniors! Like finally man! And the turnout was not bad considering I was expecting like 4 people 😂 but there were 7? Hahah great. But my eyes were like damn tired from Colour Run yesterday cos of all the powder that entered omg seriously I thought I was gonna go bLIND I SWEAR!!!! It stung like ughhhhh can’t even describe. So yeah today was the aftermath basically. I didn’t engage 100% and all of them were so friendly trying to smother us with tips & tricks to survive school and I mostly just nodded and smiled/laughed 😂 but can’t blame me lah I WAS tired + not very used to them yet THO I was guilty!!!
// ok the above was like deviation and a small snippet of my q boring life~ if you’re interested at all LOL I’m doing good, not dead…so far so good. One step at a time yeah? So I’m not THAT afraid anymore and I hope we can become close knit in the near future!!! Hehe. Tho there’s only this one girl Shaynna(???) who’s in first year Lancaster w me! The rest are seniors.
// omg wtf I deviated back to the deviation. Lol. I wanted to talk about how important it is to be ourselves.
Basically I was looking at some old pics and I had this sudden epiphany that I was happier in some occasions than in others. And it struck me that my happiest times were when I was being myself. The “recent” me has become more conscious of “judgement” (from friends or whoever) and toned down of being myself. Or even tried to hide some parts of myself that people may find weird. YOU KNOW WHAT? All that did was make me into very “not-myself” (idk if there is a word to describe that but yeah basically) and I can totally feel it even though others may not. IT CAN LITERALLY DESTROY YOU INSIDE OUT if you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. You know the saying “Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken”? Exactly. That. Why try so hard to fit in when you were made to be unique?! Your quirks and flaws are all that make you, you. Otherwise you’d just be a cheap knockoff version of so-and-so.
So yeah. Be yourself (@ U CHAR) Continue making bird sounds at pigeons if that makes you happy, continue tripping over things and being awkward and shit bc if your friends are true they’ll accept all parts of you, good and bad. They will love you unconditionally. And if people judge you based on what makes you, you, then hell you’re better off without them anyway!!
ATTA GIRL 💪🏼
When you stop lying to yourself that everything is okay that’s when you start feeling fucked up
Today I found out that not getting hurt from not even trying is even worse than getting hurt from trying!!!!!! Ugh why can’t I break out from this darned comfort zone WHY